THE  HALEYA  STORY

The process of our desire to start a family was filled with disappointment, challenges and lots of emotions. At age 29 the doctors shared with me that I was young, and they were very encouraging that we’d soon have a baby on the way. At age 33, financially, emotionally and physically invested, the same doctors said to us “we suggest you find another way to start your family.” The word adoption in my mind simply meant “All else has failed, and Tonya cannot have a baby.”

For those 5 years I honestly felt like I held my breath every day, not to cry or just go crazy. It was hard to be around people talking non-stop about their kids, announcing their good news, asking us questions, giving us unsolicited advice and opinions. We looked into foreign adoption, domestic adoption, private adoption, contacting an attorney … you name it. But honestly, I just wasn’t ready. I was having a difficult time believing that I would never see the faces of my own children.

 Knowing that foster care wasn’t an easy route either, it appealed to me for these reasons: ONE there was no large sum of money to pay in advance (I’m not a gambler, and I was tired of writing checks, playing the odds – and losing). TWO I thought after everything we had been through that God surely had a newborn baby—with rights terminated—waiting for us?  THREE More than any of these, I knew it would trick me into adopting. I knew, ultimately, I’d fall in love with a child placed in our home.

 As we learned about the issues, special needs and disorders of these children in the required classes, I’d go home more frustrated than ever – both of us questioning if we were taking the right route and desiring more than ever to have our own child.

 I kept encouraging myself that our precious newborn baby would have no more issues than the usual stinky diapers and odd sleeping hours.

 After our home study was approved, on a Monday night we got a call. There was a Bosnian family of seven that needed placed, and our social worker wanted to know if we would take the three youngest ones: ages one, two, and three. Needless to say, we laughed out loud. She then began negotiating with us until she got down to the 1-year-old. With our hearts pounding, scared to death … we said, “Yes.” It still amazes me that they would bring a baby to our home as a “better” option. We had not a diaper, bottle, bed or inkling of baby anything in the house - or experience.

 At 11 p.m. Lisa was brought to our home. Her clothes were filthy, she had no shoes and her hair was matted. The social worker tossed through her hair and said, “I’ve checked, I think she’s clean,” (meaning lice). Lisa fell right into my arms. The next morning with no daycare and the same obligations I’d left work with the day before, and little sleep, I headed to my sister’s with Lisa.

 When we learned that Lisa had lice, I realized I had exposed my entire family as they’d stopped by my sisters to meet Lisa. Added to my list of a hundred things to do ASAP was wash everything in our home and hair treatments. After I’d purchased Nex for my family, and discovered that thankfully they all still loved me, Lisa fit well into our home. She had little things she’d do that we laughed at and began to love. Lisa had taken to me right away. If someone else was holding her and I walked by, she’d reach out for me every time and I loved it!

 Five weeks into Lisa’s stay with us, at 9 in the morning, Lisa’s social worker called me at work to tell me that the judge had ordered the three youngest children home to their mother. Within an hour Todd had the baby bed taken apart and delivered back to the neighbor’s house. Everything that had anything to do with Lisa was in our attic or the trunk of our car to return to people. Lisa was gone. Todd and I sat on the couch and cried harder that day over somebody else’s baby than we did over the thousands of dollars of previous failures.  Again, I cried out to God for life beyond this never-ending nightmare.

 Two months passed and Todd and I enjoyed our lives slowing down a bit. Then, I received a call about a 3-year-old little girl whose mother was just one step away from meeting her goals to get her back. The foster home the girl was in had just adopted a sibling group of five siblings, so she needed a new placement. I called Todd and his reaction was, “Don’t do this to yourself Tonya … no more temporary ones. But if you want to …” This is what went though my mind: My sister has a 3-year-old little girl and I knew I would never be able to back up time and have a little girl the same age. So, I wanted to do it … if only for a time. I wanted to meet this little girl.

 Haley came to our home first for a respite weekend visit. She sat on our couch between Todd and me and the little thing put one hand on Todd’s leg and the other hand on my leg and looked up at both of us, just smiling. I remember Todd called her his Buddy and she said, “me not a butty.” And they went back and forth in fun conversation. Then my sister came over and the two little blonde girls played. Haley had asked for a nanna (that is banana for anyone needing translation). She circled thru our home eating her banana. As she passed my sister standing with me, she bopped my sister Emily on the bottom with her hand, snickered, and kept walking. We laughed. She fit right in. Just minutes later she stopped and with her little hand on my leg, she looked up at me and said, “Mama, mama … me want another nanna?” The little thing hadn’t been in our house for 20 minutes and she had called me mama; I loved it. What seemed so amazingly sweet, was really an amazingly sweet child who was really confused about who and what a mama really was.

 When Haley returned to Jean’s, her foster mother, and we returned to our quiet home, that little girl’s voice was in our heads as if she were still in our home. When Jean called on the next day and said she was bringing Haley and all her stuff to our house, we were thrilled. At 3 years old, our home was Haley’s fourth. Her birth mother’s, then the home she was left at where she was taken by social services, then Jean’s, and now ours.

 After being transitioned to our home from Jean’s:

• Haley talked every day about Mama Jean as if she were going through the stages of a loved one’s death.

• Haley was hitting herself in the head, regularly and in frustration she’d pull out handfuls of hair.

• Haley would have daily fits over her clothes, acting as if they were choking her or causing her great pain.

• She began scratching herself on her hands and arms.

• She broke out in a skin rash, which the doctor attributed to stress.

• She would scream out in the middle of the night.

• About 20 times a day she’d say “me mad” or “me not happy.”

• Even though she acted happy at times in our home, when we would ask her if she was happy, she would say “no”.

 Haley had regular weekly visits with her birth mother and grandfather. We all encouraged Haley that one day she’d return home to live with her birth mother forever. Months rolled by and her birth mother still hadn’t gotten a house. We worked with Haley and tried to give her the love and attention she needed, and we saw lots of improvements. As we began to love this little girl more and more, the arrangement tested us too. It was hard for everyone involved living between the two lives. From the emotions going through me and Todd, I can only image a confused 4-year-old trying to understand it all.

 In January 2005, ironically a coworker and I were talking casually as I explained how hectic things were in our lives. Todd was working on getting his masters and our jobs were more involved than ever. The receptionist interrupted our conversation to let me know I had a call holding. I picked up the phone and our social worker told me about this beautiful 2-year-old girl who had just been removed from her foster home that they’d had to permanently close. She felt like this little girl would probably become adoptable, although there were no guarantees. I called Todd and he said, if the little thing needs a place to sleep tonight, tell them yes. Just to prove that I am crazy, I called her back and said yes. I told her that I really didn’t know if I could handle two, but I’d try. I knew that the day Haley left would be a hard one, and I didn’t want an empty house again. I called Haley at daycare and said, “Guess what mommy is bringing you … a sister?” She was so excited.

 Aleya being such a good little girl helped us make it work. Haley was a bit jealous, yet even more adjustments to deal with. But it was good for Haley to have someone to play with. Aleya was calmer than Haley and much more content. In the first sixs months she never once mentioned anyone’s name from her past family or foster home. For Aleya, there seemed to be literally “no” adjustment issues. Aleya would rub Todd’s arm during supper saying, “my daddy, my daddy” and run up the me at daycare screaming “mama… mama”. I remember making the comment that if we ended up with Aleya that we’d have to tell her someday she was adopted.

 But things just are not that simple ,are they? At 2 ½ we were Aleya’s third official home. After six months of nothing ever once being said about anything from her past, she began to talk. For whatever reason, the little girl started telling us all kinds of stories. She’d sing songs about her life before as she lay in bed, and we’d listen by her door. I won’t share all her stories, but sometimes they were clear to what happened, and other times they would be very strange. And it was hard to figure out if what she was describing with her child-sized vocabulary and limited understanding of the world. Was it an innocent story that just sounded bad or could it really be what it sounded like? Then we learned that a family member wanted Aleya. That was a difficult two weeks as we had gotten ourselves in a situation to have two temporary children, and we were no closer than we had ever been to having our own family.

 But, one more desperate prayer to God, thinking we’d again gone entirely in the wrong direction, investing ourselves completely again—for nothing. This time, for whatever reason, unlike all the other prayers we’d shared about having our own child, the answer was yes. Within three weeks, the issue with the family member wanting Aleya did not work out and they began termination of rights with Aleya’s birthmother. And then we got one amazing, shocking phone call from Haley’s social worker. Haley’s mother wanted us to take Haley. That news brought on an emotional whirlwind. My heart raced at the reality that she’d be ours. And at the same time other thoughts went though my mind. If we took Haley, then there was a very good chance that I’d be trading the place in our home for Haley, instead of the baby we would have waited for next. Also, more than once as we had been dealing with Haley it was easy to think when we were concerned, “Well that won’t be our problem anyway.” But how does anyone let a 4-year-old, go to a fifth home. The choice was really already made.

 That evening Haley’s birth mom, and I met together. She thanked me for caring for Haley. And that women told me in about 15 minutes what she had been through in her life. If that was the 15-minute version, then I’d hate to have heard the detailed one. The facts are that if I’d been born into a similar situation, I would probably be no different. Both Haley and Aleya’s birth mother’s stories are similar. Both were doing good if they could just take care of themselves. Haley’s mother knew what this cycle offered and she wanted to end it for Haley. And she never went back on her word as she cooperated fully allowing us to start the process toward adopting Haley.

 On the morning I hold Haley that there would be no more visits with her birth mother, she clenched her hands tight into fists, pointed her toes straight as arrows, and strained every muscle in her body. Her face turned red, and she started shaking all over. I hugged her really tight and told her how many people loved her. She began gritting her teeth loudly and hitting and scratching herself again.

 But honestly, within a month, with no more visits and all conversation now in the direction of living with us forever, we saw the largest improvement in Haley we’d ever seen. The little thing had been in our house now for nine months—and on her own—she told us she loved us and told us she was “happy.” We talked about the Judge Day with both the girls and how we’d be a family forever, and they would squeal with joy as we talked about how special our family was. I remember sitting with our social worker at a visit as we watched two sweet, soon to officially be sisters, playing. I said, “We had planned on a baby through this process, but it may be that we are done after adopting these two. That’s not really what we had planned, but they are good girls.” She responded smiling, “Yep, it’s a dirty trick we play.”

 So I present to you Tonya’s Top Ten reasons not to foster care. Bear with me, if I do this right, then its intended point will be made.

Number 10: There is No preparation for the placements.

Number 9: Placements with hopes for adoption don’t always work out.

Number 8: Reunifications with birth families don’t always work out either and then what?

Number 7: Birth families must have their visits. After the visit the child cries or they talk non-stop about their new presents. Aleya’s birth mother’s name was honestly interchangeable with the word candy. Bowling Green isn’t a big town … and it is kind of hard to hide. But more than those frustrations or inconveniences, it is harder to watch what the required visits build up, especially after the goal has been switched to termination of the parent’s rights. In that period, I watched Aleya go from not knowing her birth mother to getting excited and reaching out to her when she saw her.

Number 6: There are the Issues. Haley and Aleya would run up to strangers in stores and hug them. Little old ladies loved it, but when they started running ahead of me to sit on men’s laps, I thought it was strange. Soon I learned about reactive attachment disorder. Haley would meet people at church and after two minutes say, “I want her to be my next home.”

Number 5: There are the “never ending” questions about their past. They knew every toy in our house down to something the size of a thimble that came from a birth parent. They recognized every place in Bowling Green they ever visited with their birth parents.  Thankfully, many of these memories have faded.

Number 4: The conversations and reminders that our family wasn’t “really” a family. For us the anticipated new baby excitement and the planned showers didn’t happen. Instead in their place were questions like, “Do you think you are going to get to keep this one?” and “How are you going to handle if this one has to go home?”

Number 3: Process and Paperwork feels endless. The 10-week training, the home study, home visits, lost paperwork, rescheduled court dates … it is all about as fun as a surgery.

Number 2: The missed moments. I don’t know what I was doing the day my daughters were born. I didn’t see them take their first step or say their first word. I do though remember the first time Haley said, “I love you, mama.” And Aleya said, “You are the best mommy in the whole world.” These two girls are amazing. They are in so many ways now as solid as any kid. And on those days where they need a bit more helping keeping up in school, love and reassurance, well … we have it.

So, Number 1: The number one reason not to foster care is “You may have ‘a dirty trick’ played on you and ‘get stuck’ with two beautiful girls.

 It is amazing how God takes lives so broken and filled with disappointment—from results of sin, mistakes, and sadness—and builds a circle taking all the broken pieces and putting them together to creates a family that is quite wonderful. The little “me mad” girl laughs more than humanly possible sometimes, I think. Haley is less upset over her path to our home. To her it is a story. I was here first, then here and then that is how I came here. The girls have a Daddy who chases them through the house as they squeal with joy, beats up all the monsters and hugs them a whole bunch. They have one set of grandparents who will drive 45 minutes to bring them a present that they just bought because they can’t wait to see their faces and another set of grandparents who plan teddy bear picnics for them and all their bears, and a bunch of cousins for big birthday parties and a mother who always wanted two little girls.

 It is amazing to think that two birth mothers who will probably never know each other, named one child Haley spelled HALEY and then another mother named her child Aleya spelled ALEYA and those two names fit together perfectly. If you put your hand over the A you have Haley, and if you put your hand over the H you have Aleya—spelled in that exact order. Like two sisters meant to be together, crafted by something bigger than all of us.

According to the National Infertility Association, about one in eight couples has trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. After years of trying to conceive and undergoing fertility treatments, the couple decided foster care and adoption was the right path for them.

“There is always a ‘why’ to someone considering foster care,” explained Tonya. “For me, it was infertility. Those years were tough and expensive. No one had the words to make it better. I remember feeling like I held my breath all day at work, fixing and solving issues finally to walk into my house and slowly collapse to the floor. Yet the tears wouldn’t come.”

“These kids have an uphill climb from day one,” stated Tonya. “They are often born with little or no prenatal care and substance abuse prevalent throughout their brain’s development. Attachment issues may begin right away if they don’t receive love and care once they are home. They spend these important developmental years confused and fearful. When Haley left the foster home prior to coming to us, she went through all the stages of grieving death because she missed her ‘mom’ from that home. Her speech wasn’t developed. We could hardly understand what she said. In cases like this, often the feelings of abandonment and many academic challenges arise that lead to anger, anxiety and defense mechanisms that get in the way of potential and lead to life-long challenges.”

“Everyone in the situation is responding to disappointment, pain and failure,” explained Tonya. “These birth moms are struggling. Most never had what they needed through childhood and therefore don’t have the resources and ability to take care of a child. They do well to take care of themselves. Haley’s mom only had one goal left to meet, but when she worked up to bringing Haley home for half-day visits, she realized what a handful she was. She called us and said, ‘You can give her a chance at life. All I can give her is what I’ve had, and I don’t want that for her.’ Our little handful is 18 now and, though we couldn’t make everything easy for her over the years, she’s had a mom and dad who love her.”

“Aleya’s beginnings were similar to Haley’s. In fact, her previous foster home was shut down by the state,” added Tonya. “She came to our home at 2 years old, and the transition was easier for her because she was younger. Her birth mother, struggling with addiction, rarely made visits. Her rights were terminated, and we were able to adopt Aleya even before Haley. Haley was 5 years old when we adopted her. It is evident that the longer a child stays in the system, the more it affects their development, self-esteem and ability to trust.”

In the foster system both children and foster parents have to roll with the punches. “Through the process of becoming a foster parent, fostering children and then, finally, adopting them, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions,” explained Todd. “Not unlike any other family’s struggles though, but just different circumstances. One of the best things about fostering and adopting is that you have given someone a chance in life—a safe place to live, a good environment, opportunity and love as they grow up. It is a life-changing experience for everyone involved.”

Balancing work, life and two teenage daughters

Tonya lead several milestone initiatives working with the Chamber Board of Directors. With the commitment of 200 Chamber partners, the Chamber moved into the new Chamber building in 2007, won national Chamber of the Year in 2009 and that year, as well, received 5 Star Accreditation, only achieved by 1% of chambers in the nation.

“Prepping for Chamber of the Year and compiling a nine-month Accreditation application on top of the regular work day, along with an empty hallway from staff turnover and maternity leaves made for more than a day’s work,” noted Tonya. “There were a lot of evenings and weekends that I had two girls sitting on the floor in my office eating chips and playing with Barbies.”

Tonya stayed with the Chamber for 20 years until in 2018, when Todd and Tonya decided their-now teenage daughters needed more from them. “We realized we were paying a price for two teen girls without a full-time manager of our home,” explained Tonya. “In 2016, when Haley was 15 and Aleya 14, our eyes were opened. We went through a lot with the girls that year. So, in 2018, I packed up 20 years of my life, coming to the realization that rules and requests weren’t going to raise our girls. There had to be a relationship. Walking away from the Chamber wasn’t easy for me. It was an emotional step and leap of faith, as the Chamber was a part of me.

“I am fortunate to be able to embrace this season of life,” said Tonya. “I didn’t know I could really cook! I think my best moment was when my husband took a picture of his dinner plate and sent it to his friends. There was so much I wanted to do for him and the girls that I could now, unlike before. Being a larger part of our home life hasn’t directly or instantly solved the ongoing challenges, but my husband said it best when he said, ‘It’s just a better life.’ There is still something every day, but I am there and have enough energy to listen and care. It makes a difference.”

Through the years, Tonya has found writing to be very therapeutic. Her book, Treasure atop the Mountain, was recently published on Amazon. She has established Matthews Consulting LLC, as well. Tonya is qualified in Myers Briggs Type Indicator personality assessment and will contract with businesses on their team building needs and provide professional coaching for career development once the girls become more independent. Tonya concludes, “These years are not easy! We can wrap it all up in an article, but our girls have lots to still figure out. Every day holds another unanticipated twist or turn. We are just holding on as it all unfolds and learning more than ever the importance of prayer.”

Bolwing Green Living Magazine, December 2019

Through Lifelong Struggles a Dream is Born

By: Cole Claybourn

Tonya Matthews just needed something to keep her mind off of the pain and heartache. Her sister and two sister-in-laws were pregnant, and on top of that, she was covering three positions at her job for people on maternity leave. The reality of her own struggles to get pregnant naturally were weighing on her.

 “I really needed to escape because there was not a conversation I could have with family, friends, or at work that didn’t involve their lives moving forward when mine wasn’t in that area,” Matthews said. “I literally just sat down in the back room of our house with our computer on a card table and just started writing.”

Out of that season, her first book, Treasure Atop the Mountain, was born. The book came out in August, but it had been in the works for over 15 years. Because of Matthews’ career, it sat on the backburner somewhat. Matthews worked her way up the ladder for 15 years at the Bowling Green Area Chamber of Commerce, in a season of life where she was a self-described “career woman.” There was often a high turnover rate at the Chamber, she said, so she found herself doing a number of jobs that eventually led to several promotions. Because of this, she and her husband waited a little longer to try and start a family. 

When those efforts weren’t fruitful, the pain of that reality coupled with the stress at work caused her to not function well, she said. She’d come home and drop to the floor and breathe for what felt like the first time that day because she’d been holding so much in. She had trouble dealing with the truth, she said. “There are parts about it where I was just so angry,” she said.

Treasure Atop the Mountain is a Christian fiction story that’s not necessarily based on her own story, but it follows a similar theme. A young girl goes through a tragedy that wrecks her world. As she searches for answers, she ultimately rests in her faith in God through a season of pain.

 The book has a happy ending, as does Matthews’ quest to become a parent. She and her husband, Todd, began fostering two girls, Haley and Aleya, when they were young and eventually adopted them. Their daughters are now 17 and 18.

 “It was still the plan that He had, which is so much better than your own plan,” Matthews said. “Even though, I still wish that we had been able to have babies and enjoy some of the natural young family things that weren’t there. “With God being part of it in the end, that’s kind of what the book is about. In the end, and always, God is a part of it.”

 Though it is a Christian book, the book has been well-received outside of just faith circles. It’s a girl growing up in a rural area who goes through plenty of trials in her life, which Matthews said people can relate to. Bowling Green resident Reba Dillard, who got to read the book early, said the main character has a disability, which she resonated with. She said it leaves the reader with a good feeling and even though she’s not much of a reader, this was one she couldn’t put down. “It basically turns out that you can still have a good life despite the bad things that can happen to you,” Dillard said. “Life can still turn out really good.”

 Pam Jones, the owner of Merle Norman, said it’s apparent how much this book means to Matthews. “When I listen to Tonya talk about the book, it’s obvious she is filled with a passion to encourage others,” she said. “The reviews are amazing.”

 While there might be major nation-wide attention for this first book available down the road, Matthews said she’s not quite ready to entertain that yet. Doing so would turn this into more of a business project and would take the joy out of it, she said. She left her career at the Chamber so she could take care of her teenage daughters, and that’s what gave her the time to finish the book. So for now, she’s content to just promote it locally and regionally and is enjoying connecting with people in the area about the book. “I realize I am constricting the book’s opportunity currently, but I have two kids to raise who I quit an incredible job for and who were struggling,” she said. “If I were to create this book thing into something as time consuming as the job — and it wouldn’t pay as much on the front end — then I have yet again worked against our family.”

 The book’s sequel, Roxy Applesauce, is nearly ¾ completed and will go into professional editing in early 2020 with an August 2020 target release date, she said. With this first book, Matthews said she hopes people take away the idea that they’re not alone in the struggles they might be facing. “We’re not alone in where life takes us,” she said. “Our stories are all different. One person loses a spouse, one person’s mother dies when she’s 13, another person has a personal illness. Nobody gets out of this life without pain.”

Haley’s first years of life have forever affected her. Her teen years came with difficult times, much stemming back to the developmental challenges and emotional aspects of her early years.

By age 3 ½ Haley had been in 4 different homes. First, she lived with her birth mother.  Then she was left in the care of a person who had Haley as well as her own children taken by social services. After that she was placed in a foster home, and finally then moved to our home.  After a year in our home and visits with her birth mother, Haley’s birth mother asked us if we’d take Haley. Of course!  We loved her and wanted a good life for her. At five years old, we adopted her.

Our picture albums capture the good times. Thank God for those! Our memories hold the tougher ones. During the rocky teen years when both of our adopted daughters lived with us, I remember being in a deep conversation with her sister when Haley walked in and listened.  Haley asked her sister, Aleya, if she felt like she was part of our family. Aleya said, “Yes.” Haley said that she never has. It’s hard to believe, when a person looks at the happy face in the many pictures, that she’s still searching for “home.” When moms, families, houses, beds, and routines - well nearly everything - change overnight more than once, twice, three, or more times, a child’s perspective on life is forever molded.

Haley’s happiest years in my memory were 2nd through 6th grade. Private school provided a smaller class size. She had a good group of friends who wanted Haley by their side, teachers who loved her and modified learning so she could progress, and grandparents who begged for her to spend the weekend with them. Life for us was her on my hip twirling as we sang “Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I’ll love you tomorrow”, birthdays, friends, sleepovers, cheerleading, and Sunday school.  Todd and Haley sang Johnny Cash’s “Stepping on My Toes” as we’re headed out to eat on a Saturday night. Child rearing issues in our home were, like most, not always easy, but meaningful.

In middle school, when academics began grouping and aligning students, Haley’s struggle began. Her best friends achieved in their circle, while she watched the distance increased. She befriended others who ‘understood’ her better. Things got difficult, and it’s been a rocky roller coaster ever since.

Haley chose to leave our home at 18. She moved in with one family and then another. Then, before her 19th birthday, Haley’s birth mother reached out to her. Haley says she’s found her people. We love her too much to ever stop loving her. We have contact with her. She’s choosing her own path now, though. We keep what we’ve learned to call a “healthy distance” for our sanity. She’s ultimately the author of her future.

If there is any talent within me, it surely comes from God. Through writing, I escape and work my emotions into a life story where I can find healing and hope. It is an incredible joy when these books mean something to others. Though our paths in life may be different, what tugs our souls is surprisingly similar. The strength we find that pulls us through shows just how great He is! I hope somehow that your reading this book might be yet another part of His great plan, and that, in some way, this encourages you.

I started this book after we adopted our girls and completed it when we experienced an earlier-than-expected empty nest. Again, like Treasure atop the Mountain, this book was—for me—a much needed escape from my relentless mind. We try to manage our lives and the lives of others, and then we realize so much is out of our control. Sometimes the thing to do, though hard, is just hold on for the ride.

First, I thank my Haley. In many ways, we were two broken people God put together. Her road hasn’t been smooth; it’s taken a village. Haley has been loved by all who’ve been a part of her life. I’ve told her many times that God has had her since day one.

Since Haley’s adoption and certainly through her teen years, we could write a based-on-a-true-story book. We’ve held onto love when it didn’t feel like love at all. Even when she tried to push us away, we kept loving (along with the hurt). And when we didn’t get it right as parents, there was still love—deep inside her, along with the pain. We’ve learned life is a continuous story. We still hang on through all that’s unknown.

I am thankful for those who help edit! Cari Small, for one, who read the roughest draft of this book. She suffered through the mess. I love her for that! Also, Virginia Ransdell for every encouraging side notation and her scattered instances of “Wow.” I soar for a moment and hold those tight through the difficult but valuable critiquing process. I also appreciate Lynn Wilton, Sarah Caldwell, and Teresa Crumpton for the professional final edits. Additionally, I’m thankful for those who were willing to review the pre-print drafts. Finally, I thank my husband, Todd, who gives me a life where I can do what I love.

AFTER 5 LONG years

HALEY CAME HOMe!

After everything, I didn’t expect my parents to be there for me. Breaking away from the people and life I’d chosen wouldn’t have been possible without my dad, mom, grandmother and sister.